Revelation

It has occurred to me that there is no inherent change at 30. While this may not be a news flash to my beloved readers, it was a rude awakening to me. Here I am, ten days into my 30th year and I feel no difference...Well maybe more fatigue and a keener sense of disappointment. I was promised a better sense of self; that once I crossed thirty I would know the woman I am and be more confident in my skin and have more fun in life. 

Since, I have turned 30 I have not once done my make up or styled my hair. I have not coordinated pieces to reflect to the world the "woman I am" through my wardrobe...and I most definitely have not had more fun! I stand in a sheepish awe, somehow I thought I turn 30 and thunder and lighting would crash down, then the clouds would part and my life would be different. My finances would be fixed, my confidence and esteem would peak, I would be the most put together that I'd ever been in my life! Instead I am just unusually tired, not motivated to spend time beautifying myself and in the throws of anticipation as I wait while my Higher Power guides my path and my businesses grow.

What I realize though is there are some major differences between my 20s and what stage has been set for my 30s. I have put drinking behind me. My days of partying and using alcohol to satiate my taste for fun (and for many other reasons...to be honest) are squarely set in my 20s. Also, I am done with excuses, I am accountable for my actions. I will no longer blame what has been done to me or my conditions etc. I am learning to love, forgive and show compassion to myself. I truly believe that I can achieve my dreams and accomplish my goals! Finally, my circle of friends that we're a strong part of my last decade have had no presence in my 30s.

My revelation is that turning 30 wasn't the instant fix I'd hoped for. But, it set the stage for me to transform into the woman I truly am. My priorities have changed and my vision has opened. I am in forward motion.
The only other thing I can say is I do need to build a circle. Making friends is hard but it does make you feel young again. Does she like me? Do I like her? Is she cool? am I cool? Do I wanna be cool? I'm weird and I have trust issues...I have the unrealistic expectation at this age of wanting to be fast friends and sometimes that doesn't sit well with people. With all my childhood relationships severed its hard to go it alone. Yet,  it's better that I stand alone than build my foundation on others (when I did this I took a hard fall). I miss having girlfriends but someday I will again...

Stay Fluid,

LQD

Update!!!! Bantu Knot Results and Style Idea!

As promised here is the Bantu Results! They came out more like a wave than a curl but I still love the results! Next time I will do smaller sections for the knots and do them on freshly washed hair.

Ruby Kisses Matte Lipstick in Extreme Coral!

I also came up with this style below. My curls fell because I did not wrap my hair at night (I hardly ever do...bad Angela) so this gave me a cute style to wear the next day while putting some wave back in my hair! I simply parted the section at the crown, wet each section and made five knots. I did pin them in place this time.

Eyes: Elf cosmetics Beauty Book

But that highlight though! 

Leave Comments if you want to know what it is!

The only way I know what you are interested in is if you like, comment, subscribe please! 

Stay Fluid,

LQD

Don't Call it a Come Back...

Hello My Beloved readers,

I'm posting on this gloriously sunny Spring Day to talk about my locs. I am trying a bantu knot style. I have been incorporating more 90's style elements into my look and this touches this category, natural style and afro-centric style elements. But don't call it a come back...90s style elements (whether beauty or fashion) never left in my opinion! I like the result but they turned out more like little buns than knots. I used six locs per knot and didn't need anything to secure them. It was super simple and paired with a naked eye, dark lip and huge hoops, it took me back to the 90s. I will modify them next time though so they will look more like knots!
I love styles like these because they are two in one.When I take the 'knots' down my hair will be have a nice wave. For a lazy girl like me this is wonderful! I will spend time on my make up but I am not big into complicated or time consuming hair styles. I weigh the time it takes to complete with how long the style last. This style gets meets the grade and will now be in my rotation. I will post the wave results soon!

Stay Fluid,

LQD

Lipstick: Mac Haute Couture

Princess Leah lol! 

Mrs. Doubtfire

I have some lofty monetary gains goals for this year and as it approaches the half way mark of the year (yes only about 45 more days away), I cringe. Yet, this time I am not going to let Mrs.Doubtfire emerge. I am going to continue to believe and not count out the fact that I a might be a late 'green' bloomer. Usually my depressive, doubtful, self-sabotaging diva Debbie Downer Doubtfire emerges. But no more! I know that I can accomplish my financial goals for this year.
Most of you have heard of the documentary "The Secret'...If you haven't, go watch it...now...it's on NetFlix...I'll wait....I need to focus on the law of attraction and most importantly staying positive. After, I finally gave in to Oprah's and a good friend's recommendation to watch this documentary just a about a month ago, I was completely and utterly shocked. It wasn't nearly as corny as I thought it was going to be. I found a lot of truth in it actually. The more I focused on my goals each day, the more ideas flowed within me to reach them. I started to get on track and I had so many things on my mind I couldn't sleep.
Unfortunately, sleep is necessary for my mental health, so this last couple of weeks I have been a bit off on the whole goal accomplishing thing. I could choose to stay off track (as I normally would) but 2015 is my year and I refuse!!! I sit her on a Saturday, posting on my blog. A blog that I have been trying to post to consistently on for years! Now, I am making strides at doing so. I also running a few of my own businesses and have almost completed my business plan for my non profit. Success is eminent with hard work and positivity.
I am not going to lie...this is where I usually hit my wall. I start doubting that I can accomplish my goals, that I can go above and beyond...I mean what makes me so special? Do I even deserve it? Yet, you know what?!?!? If I don't, my son does and my family members who have always been there for me do!Forgive me, I am working in counseling on self-love but until I actualize that, the love of money is enough to drive me to my success...

Stay Fluid,

LQD

P.S I now am offering a E-newsletter that will help you Stay Fluid: Including but not limited to Money Saving and Growing Tips, Style, Health, Beauty and Resources!!!!

The Switch

My favorite saying right now is "The struggle is real..." and that is the underlying theme of my life.

I have been told that I have a switch. No, not the switch your Grandma tells you to pick out from the tree in the yard when you've been acting up. My switch is like a light switch. It pertains more to relationships. Especially intimate ones. I can be in love, so in love one minute and the next minute I'm turned off. However, unlike a light switch I don't get turned back on. For example, say I am romantically involved with you and I am in love. I will change my whole life for you and do almost anything for you. One day though, I might wake up and look at you in disgust. Now!Wait! Before you judge or flee in fear...I can't say that these feelings or lack there of are not tied to actual events that occurred in the relationship because they may be. If that is the case, the change in my emotions never happens instantly after an event occurs but occurs in an instant later down the road.For instance, I have stayed with a cheater still desperately in love and it wasn't until months later that i woke up, looked at him and felt nothing. After months of crying and running after this ninja, staying with him and taking care of him in every way, I woke up emotionless and itching to get away. Trembling with dread at the thought of his touch. Now, I am not going to say that I wouldn't be friends with a person that I have 'flipped off' but there is just no going back to that first love I gave. I no longer have 'romantic' love type feelings for them though I may have love for them
Ultimately, I ask the question have I ever really been in love? You have to love yourself first in order to love someone else. So when it comes to me, this question has real meaning. I am in the process of learning to love myself. I also am moving on from settling. Due to my extreme lack of self confidence issues, I often settle for those who like me because I am afraid there will be no one else. I don't think that I deserve my ideal man or even a man who truly treats me well. Thank God for therapy.
Now,
I hope is to apply this principal of a switch on other areas namely my addictions (well at least the more harmful ones). If I could just flip the switch on a few of these horrendous addictions then I believe by the end of this year, I will be able to meet all my goals. I have given up smoking to start and there are two others I must tackle. However, I am only going to hit the switches (lmao) one at a time.

Stay Fluid,

LQD

Happy Easter!!!

Sweeping away 20 something

Though I probably shouldn't put this in print...I am turning 30 soon. The feeling of impending doom is encroaching and the struggle my friend...is real. I am battling constantly over what the hell have I been doing for the past 30 years. Especially with a close scrutiny on my disastrous 20's. The two proudest accomplishments that hail from that decade are my son and my degree...Unfortunately, that list should be longer for 10  years.

I don't know what it is that bother's me with turning 30. I have always struggled with self esteem but I don't necessarily equate 30 with loss of beauty or being old. I have seen beautiful women of all ages. My body and skin are changing and well maybe the fear stems from the unknown. Most likely its the lack of material things, accomplishments, and guilt of being so far behind in life that I struggle with. The knowledge that I could have done so much more in my 20's is likely what burdens me. However, this reflection only makes me more determined to get it right this decade.

On the bright side, I have really learned a lot of lessons. I have come to know myself and what I want to become. In many ways, I am just getting started. I can now set realistically high goals and achieve them. My struggles and personality faults are definitely obvious to me and that gives me the knowledge to grow. Essentially, I know who I am and who I am going to be. I know this year especially is going to be a turning point for me! My  success is slated for 2015. I am almost excited to turn 30...but I do mean ALMOST.

One of the things that I am doing to highlight my change in age is readdressing my all to massive wardrobe! This is a positive thing (as I am keeping a positive outlook on all things this year)! I am going through my wardrobe piece by piece to see if I can make an outfit that says "me now" with it! If I can't then that item is up for donation or sale. Obviously, I am going to be using my creative juices in order to not have to part with my beloveds; but everything won't make the cut. I was proud of what I put together today! I've had this brocade jacket forever and hadn't worn it but I get to keep it because of what I came up with for an outfit...I hope you enjoy. I encourage you to comment and ask questions!


Stay Fluid,

LQD

I look like Speedy Gonzales!!! 

Lips:

J.CAT Beauty Wonder paint in Much Mucher (Love!)

Addictive Tastes

It is been way too long since I have been with you guys and I have a secret to reveal! I have an addictive personality...I want to reveal my addictions to you, my successes, failures, hopes and fears. I've always wanted to help people but honestly this is more for me than it is for you. I hid in shame of what I am, what I have done, might do and might become but no more. My hope is that I will shine a light for someone. I pray that by me writing these truths that someone out there will not feel alone, discouraged or hopeless. That maybe by putting fingers to keys I will save someone from going through what I have gone through. My goal is to be candid about my experiences and my addictions. I do not wish for this post to be a autobiography but just want to let my readers no that this is not just about style or beauty but about life... The clothes I wear and the face that I paint may express what I want to portray to the world but are those depictions accurate or am I just playing dress up?

So anyways...

Lets start light....

The first addiction I will share is make-up but more specifically lipstick. I am completely and ridiculously addicted to lipstick. I don't know when it started actually but I can tell you this its not going anywhere. When I first started wearing lipstick regularly I gravitated toward maroons, fuchsias and of course vampy...namely...Cyber from MAC (the latter by the way is one of three lipsticks I've actually used up and replaced). Three gallons of gas or two and a lipstick from a limited edition launch from Rite Aid? Well, that's just a silly question! Over the course of last year I spent over $1000 dollars at Rite Aid alone and I'd venture to say a good 80% of those purchases were beauty related....that's a fifth of my wages for last year. I don't know what it is but I just had to have my pretties. Doesn't matter finish, color I just had to get my Pokeball out.  I buy in to trend after trend and still trying to be different at the same time which just leads to collecting entire launches of colletions. My addiction only worsened when I discovered red lipstick. First, it was about finding the perfect red for dark skin, then it was about the different undertones of the red lipstick...The nail on the proverbial coffin? Why doesn't Maybeline Red Revival or Revlon Gothic lipstain look bright, beautiful and true red on me as it does on my fair skinned women? What would give me that classic red lip? I tried countless lipsticks different brands and they always turned orange red. For years I would not wear orange-red lipstick because I was so annoyed by the fact that Lady Danger looked so beautifully delicious on my Caucasian counterparts and turned into a orange Fanta on my lips.
My first red love was by Givenchy Illicit Rasberry $36 dollars or about and WAY out of my budget but Zoe Saladana wore it to some ritzy gala somewhere as reported by one of my beauty magazines (an addiction I just recently overcame) and it looked beautifully red on her complexion. It was perfection (for the time) and I loved it. After which I continued to search for truer brighter reds. I wanted nothing to do with the orange reds or brown reds that were forced down brown skinned women's throats. Sometimes I think I am always trying to stand out to be different. I want to prove that I can wear any color lipstick that my skin tone does not limit my options. There it is, the deeper implication... a glance at one of my unfortunately may issues. Needless to say my I have several shades that are the same color even if they are from different brands. Last time I counted I had over 20 red shades alone. I haven't worn close to three quarters of my lipsticks but still I buy more...BTW YOUTUBE your not helping! My YOUTUBE gurus are fellow junkies who lead the way to my best high possible. All in All, it is not a necessarily bad thing to by lipstick. Yet, truthfully my addiction is clear. Imagine if I added up all the money I spent on the lip products I have and put that into a College fund for my five year old son (which he does not have) or a retirement plan for myself (which I do not have)...Oh well, at least I have killer red lips....

Stay Fluid,

LQD

Christmas Red Ruby Kisses Matte Lipstick in Kiss Red $3 (beauty supply stores)

Scandalous lipstick from NYX Cosmetics Wicked Lippie Collection. $6

Ruby Kisses Matte Lipstick in Plum Wine $3

OCC Lip Tar (my fave blue) $18

I easily have 150+ lipsticks and glosses. I stopped counting because it got depressing...