Monday, March 23, 2015

Sweeping away 20 something

Though I probably shouldn't put this in print...I am turning 30 soon. The feeling of impending doom is encroaching and the struggle my real. I am battling constantly over what the hell have I been doing for the past 30 years. Especially with a close scrutiny on my disastrous 20's. The two proudest accomplishments that hail from that decade are my son and my degree...Unfortunately, that list should be longer for 10  years.

I don't know what it is that bother's me with turning 30. I have always struggled with self esteem but I don't necessarily equate 30 with loss of beauty or being old. I have seen beautiful women of all ages. My body and skin are changing and well maybe the fear stems from the unknown. Most likely its the lack of material things, accomplishments, and guilt of being so far behind in life that I struggle with. The knowledge that I could have done so much more in my 20's is likely what burdens me. However, this reflection only makes me more determined to get it right this decade.

On the bright side, I have really learned a lot of lessons. I have come to know myself and what I want to become. In many ways, I am just getting started. I can now set realistically high goals and achieve them. My struggles and personality faults are definitely obvious to me and that gives me the knowledge to grow. Essentially, I know who I am and who I am going to be. I know this year especially is going to be a turning point for me! My  success is slated for 2015. I am almost excited to turn 30...but I do mean ALMOST.

One of the things that I am doing to highlight my change in age is readdressing my all to massive wardrobe! This is a positive thing (as I am keeping a positive outlook on all things this year)! I am going through my wardrobe piece by piece to see if I can make an outfit that says "me now" with it! If I can't then that item is up for donation or sale. Obviously, I am going to be using my creative juices in order to not have to part with my beloveds; but everything won't make the cut. I was proud of what I put together today! I've had this brocade jacket forever and hadn't worn it but I get to keep it because of what I came up with for an outfit...I hope you enjoy. I encourage you to comment and ask questions!

Stay Fluid,


I look like Speedy Gonzales!!! 

J.CAT Beauty Wonder paint in Much Mucher (Love!)

Monday, March 9, 2015

Addictive Tastes

It is been way too long since I have been with you guys and I have a secret to reveal! I have an addictive personality...I want to reveal my addictions to you, my successes, failures, hopes and fears. I've always wanted to help people but honestly this is more for me than it is for you. I hid in shame of what I am, what I have done, might do and might become but no more. My hope is that I will shine a light for someone. I pray that by me writing these truths that someone out there will not feel alone, discouraged or hopeless. That maybe by putting fingers to keys I will save someone from going through what I have gone through. My goal is to be candid about my experiences and my addictions. I do not wish for this post to be a autobiography but just want to let my readers no that this is not just about style or beauty but about life... The clothes I wear and the face that I paint may express what I want to portray to the world but are those depictions accurate or am I just playing dress up?

So anyways...

Lets start light....

The first addiction I will share is make-up but more specifically lipstick. I am completely and ridiculously addicted to lipstick. I don't know when it started actually but I can tell you this its not going anywhere. When I first started wearing lipstick regularly I gravitated toward maroons, fuchsias and of course vampy...namely...Cyber from MAC (the latter by the way is one of three lipsticks I've actually used up and replaced). Three gallons of gas or two and a lipstick from a limited edition launch from Rite Aid? Well, that's just a silly question! Over the course of last year I spent over $1000 dollars at Rite Aid alone and I'd venture to say a good 80% of those purchases were beauty related....that's a fifth of my wages for last year. I don't know what it is but I just had to have my pretties. Doesn't matter finish, color I just had to get my Pokeball out.  I buy in to trend after trend and still trying to be different at the same time which just leads to collecting entire launches of colletions. My addiction only worsened when I discovered red lipstick. First, it was about finding the perfect red for dark skin, then it was about the different undertones of the red lipstick...The nail on the proverbial coffin? Why doesn't Maybeline Red Revival or Revlon Gothic lipstain look bright, beautiful and true red on me as it does on my fair skinned women? What would give me that classic red lip? I tried countless lipsticks different brands and they always turned orange red. For years I would not wear orange-red lipstick because I was so annoyed by the fact that Lady Danger looked so beautifully delicious on my Caucasian counterparts and turned into a orange Fanta on my lips.
My first red love was by Givenchy Illicit Rasberry $36 dollars or about and WAY out of my budget but Zoe Saladana wore it to some ritzy gala somewhere as reported by one of my beauty magazines (an addiction I just recently overcame) and it looked beautifully red on her complexion. It was perfection (for the time) and I loved it. After which I continued to search for truer brighter reds. I wanted nothing to do with the orange reds or brown reds that were forced down brown skinned women's throats. Sometimes I think I am always trying to stand out to be different. I want to prove that I can wear any color lipstick that my skin tone does not limit my options. There it is, the deeper implication... a glance at one of my unfortunately may issues. Needless to say my I have several shades that are the same color even if they are from different brands. Last time I counted I had over 20 red shades alone. I haven't worn close to three quarters of my lipsticks but still I buy more...BTW YOUTUBE your not helping! My YOUTUBE gurus are fellow junkies who lead the way to my best high possible. All in All, it is not a necessarily bad thing to by lipstick. Yet, truthfully my addiction is clear. Imagine if I added up all the money I spent on the lip products I have and put that into a College fund for my five year old son (which he does not have) or a retirement plan for myself (which I do not have)...Oh well, at least I have killer red lips....

Stay Fluid,


Christmas Red Ruby Kisses Matte Lipstick in Kiss Red $3 (beauty supply stores)

Scandalous lipstick from NYX Cosmetics Wicked Lippie Collection. $6

Ruby Kisses Matte Lipstick in Plum Wine $3

OCC Lip Tar (my fave blue) $18

I easily have 150+ lipsticks and glosses. I stopped counting because it got depressing...