Never Fear

Hey,

I didn't leave you that quick! I plan on blogging at least 3 to 4 times a week. Last week, however, kept up with my theme of God's plan not my plan. I went back to work and was feeling amazing making money everyday! Cash in hand same day is one of the best things about being a server but it's also one of the hardest when you are a compulsive gambler. I staved off the urge to drink and gamble and finished all my shifts with my head held high. Then came Sunday (12/17) before last... I was serving and about three hours into my shift, I got the most excruciating stomach pain since I had my son. I asked to leave early and caught the bus home in a magnitude of pain. It finally got so bad I called an ambulance and rode in tears of pain all the way to hospital. Long story compressed, I had to have my gallbladder removed and guess whose out on leave again? ...yup...
At this point, I took it upon myself to leave it in God's hands. I just got back to work and I started to stress about the money I was suppose to be making while I was laid up in this hospital and then it came to me...God's Plan NOT mine. I left it in His all-capable hands. I feel now that God is sending me a message about where I am suppose to be career wise.
I am listening but have been having a hard time setting myself to a formal prayer session. I to Him throughout the day but I have a great urge to have a more formal prayer session daily. I also have been moved to read...I don't know why it is so hard for me now, I used to be an avid reader. Now it is hard for me to turn off the T.V. or set down my phone. This is another area I need to work on...

Merry Christmas everyone btw!!!! My son is just now waking up at 11:30vam Christmas Day...different kinda of kid if you ask me. I used to wake my parents up at like 5 or 6 am on Christmas to open gifts and they would not be having it; but I tried...I just grateful for God coming through for HIS son because Kie's got plenty under that tree despite my efforts at self-sabatoge!
I want to urge anyone reading this...to let go and let God. There is a difference in being persistent and forcing your will over God's. Listen to God. He is sending a message...How many times does She have to send it for you to receive it...


Stay Fluid,

LQD

My first day back to work at the restaurant! I was feeling great to be working again!

This is the office where God has been pushing me to work for the last three years and I keep running from it. Not anymore. I am listening! I work as an Executive Assistant right now with a path of become the C.O.O or Chief Operating Officer. I was working both jobs when my gallbladder decided to act up lol... Side note: I thrifted this dress and was finally able to fit in to it!!! Was so happy and it looked so good (if I do say so myself) and the lip is NARS pencil in Cruella which is a really pretty matte red but the color is off  in this picture...my phone camera is not the best...

My son and I at the office gift exchange lunch four days after my surgery...I moved roughly as fast as AOL dial-up...

Jem-stone

I got Kiss, I got Jem...but its just me. I like to be different...conventional is so overrated. My sister and I adventured out to Portland, Oregon for #Briqhouse Burlesque performance at a venue called Crush. It was a definite treat! We painted the town black after and between midnight and 3 a.m. I had already hit my 10,000 steps for the day. I was in sooo much pain! I had leg day the morning before I went out. I just started lifting again so I had a point to prove to myself...which apparently I found out after a night of entertainment and dancing, was less 'I am a beast' and more 'sh*t I'm getting old'... The event Burlesque show was beautiful. None of the womens' bodies were what media portrays as perfection but the way they moved celebrated a deep self love. I was inspired. While performing may not necessarily be something that I want to add to my long list of life experiences, I do want to have that level of confidence. Yes, I want to achieve a self love and confidence that is so immense I would be happy to perform practically naked on the stage of life. Give a whole new meaning to #LocStar :)  Thank you for your inspiration ladies!

Jem would have stayed in theaters full term if I'd a stared in it...js

lips: NYX Cosmetics Soft Matte Lip Cream in Monte Carlo

Kara #5 lashes (my new faves and there only $1) #ShopMissA

 Yes my secret is suppose to be out lmao

My fly sister and me! 

#30 is definitely a different ball game. I have come in to myself so much more. I am striving for improvement always but I am so much more satiated with 'me'! What I need to work on continuously is my confidence and not caring what other people might say or think. 18 years of habit is hard to break and I have only been consistently working on changing my thinking for a few years. Ne*who, please remember if you go out dancing after leg day please have a seat ...1000 of them....then look over because I'm sitting right next to you...

Downtown Portland: This guy had major swag though lmao just posted up on the tree 

My Sister and Me!!!

STAY FLUID,

LQD

Revelation

It has occurred to me that there is no inherent change at 30. While this may not be a news flash to my beloved readers, it was a rude awakening to me. Here I am, ten days into my 30th year and I feel no difference...Well maybe more fatigue and a keener sense of disappointment. I was promised a better sense of self; that once I crossed thirty I would know the woman I am and be more confident in my skin and have more fun in life. 

Since, I have turned 30 I have not once done my make up or styled my hair. I have not coordinated pieces to reflect to the world the "woman I am" through my wardrobe...and I most definitely have not had more fun! I stand in a sheepish awe, somehow I thought I turn 30 and thunder and lighting would crash down, then the clouds would part and my life would be different. My finances would be fixed, my confidence and esteem would peak, I would be the most put together that I'd ever been in my life! Instead I am just unusually tired, not motivated to spend time beautifying myself and in the throws of anticipation as I wait while my Higher Power guides my path and my businesses grow.

What I realize though is there are some major differences between my 20s and what stage has been set for my 30s. I have put drinking behind me. My days of partying and using alcohol to satiate my taste for fun (and for many other reasons...to be honest) are squarely set in my 20s. Also, I am done with excuses, I am accountable for my actions. I will no longer blame what has been done to me or my conditions etc. I am learning to love, forgive and show compassion to myself. I truly believe that I can achieve my dreams and accomplish my goals! Finally, my circle of friends that we're a strong part of my last decade have had no presence in my 30s.

My revelation is that turning 30 wasn't the instant fix I'd hoped for. But, it set the stage for me to transform into the woman I truly am. My priorities have changed and my vision has opened. I am in forward motion.
The only other thing I can say is I do need to build a circle. Making friends is hard but it does make you feel young again. Does she like me? Do I like her? Is she cool? am I cool? Do I wanna be cool? I'm weird and I have trust issues...I have the unrealistic expectation at this age of wanting to be fast friends and sometimes that doesn't sit well with people. With all my childhood relationships severed its hard to go it alone. Yet,  it's better that I stand alone than build my foundation on others (when I did this I took a hard fall). I miss having girlfriends but someday I will again...

Stay Fluid,

LQD

Mrs. Doubtfire

I have some lofty monetary gains goals for this year and as it approaches the half way mark of the year (yes only about 45 more days away), I cringe. Yet, this time I am not going to let Mrs.Doubtfire emerge. I am going to continue to believe and not count out the fact that I a might be a late 'green' bloomer. Usually my depressive, doubtful, self-sabotaging diva Debbie Downer Doubtfire emerges. But no more! I know that I can accomplish my financial goals for this year.
Most of you have heard of the documentary "The Secret'...If you haven't, go watch it...now...it's on NetFlix...I'll wait....I need to focus on the law of attraction and most importantly staying positive. After, I finally gave in to Oprah's and a good friend's recommendation to watch this documentary just a about a month ago, I was completely and utterly shocked. It wasn't nearly as corny as I thought it was going to be. I found a lot of truth in it actually. The more I focused on my goals each day, the more ideas flowed within me to reach them. I started to get on track and I had so many things on my mind I couldn't sleep.
Unfortunately, sleep is necessary for my mental health, so this last couple of weeks I have been a bit off on the whole goal accomplishing thing. I could choose to stay off track (as I normally would) but 2015 is my year and I refuse!!! I sit her on a Saturday, posting on my blog. A blog that I have been trying to post to consistently on for years! Now, I am making strides at doing so. I also running a few of my own businesses and have almost completed my business plan for my non profit. Success is eminent with hard work and positivity.
I am not going to lie...this is where I usually hit my wall. I start doubting that I can accomplish my goals, that I can go above and beyond...I mean what makes me so special? Do I even deserve it? Yet, you know what?!?!? If I don't, my son does and my family members who have always been there for me do!Forgive me, I am working in counseling on self-love but until I actualize that, the love of money is enough to drive me to my success...

Stay Fluid,

LQD

P.S I now am offering a E-newsletter that will help you Stay Fluid: Including but not limited to Money Saving and Growing Tips, Style, Health, Beauty and Resources!!!!

Sweeping away 20 something

Though I probably shouldn't put this in print...I am turning 30 soon. The feeling of impending doom is encroaching and the struggle my friend...is real. I am battling constantly over what the hell have I been doing for the past 30 years. Especially with a close scrutiny on my disastrous 20's. The two proudest accomplishments that hail from that decade are my son and my degree...Unfortunately, that list should be longer for 10  years.

I don't know what it is that bother's me with turning 30. I have always struggled with self esteem but I don't necessarily equate 30 with loss of beauty or being old. I have seen beautiful women of all ages. My body and skin are changing and well maybe the fear stems from the unknown. Most likely its the lack of material things, accomplishments, and guilt of being so far behind in life that I struggle with. The knowledge that I could have done so much more in my 20's is likely what burdens me. However, this reflection only makes me more determined to get it right this decade.

On the bright side, I have really learned a lot of lessons. I have come to know myself and what I want to become. In many ways, I am just getting started. I can now set realistically high goals and achieve them. My struggles and personality faults are definitely obvious to me and that gives me the knowledge to grow. Essentially, I know who I am and who I am going to be. I know this year especially is going to be a turning point for me! My  success is slated for 2015. I am almost excited to turn 30...but I do mean ALMOST.

One of the things that I am doing to highlight my change in age is readdressing my all to massive wardrobe! This is a positive thing (as I am keeping a positive outlook on all things this year)! I am going through my wardrobe piece by piece to see if I can make an outfit that says "me now" with it! If I can't then that item is up for donation or sale. Obviously, I am going to be using my creative juices in order to not have to part with my beloveds; but everything won't make the cut. I was proud of what I put together today! I've had this brocade jacket forever and hadn't worn it but I get to keep it because of what I came up with for an outfit...I hope you enjoy. I encourage you to comment and ask questions!


Stay Fluid,

LQD

I look like Speedy Gonzales!!! 

Lips:

J.CAT Beauty Wonder paint in Much Mucher (Love!)