Can't slip

Greetings,

Last week I slid by with two posts but I can't keep slippin! I am going to make it a point to post three times a week. I have to stick to my guns *pew pew* Ne who... I am going to take a break from resolutions posting today and talk about a monthly subscription box I truly think is worth it!
We are Onyx curates a monthly subscription box that is geared toward women of color. It cost $25 a month but the value always comes to way over that, December's box had over $82 dollars worth of product. Every month you receive hair and beauty products that celebrate melanin! I would like to point out that celebration of melanin is not degradation of those without.

I have had other subscriptions and found myself only able to use maybe one of the products that come in the box and it just wasn't worth my money. Even if I entered my profile and answered the questionnaires, I would end up with too light colors, styling mousses etc month after month that just seemed like a waste of my coin. I can't always use all the items in the Onyx boxes but more often than not I end up getting more than my moneys worth out of the products that I can use.

This months box had six items but it varies every month between 4 to 6 items.

December's box included:

Iman Cosmetics- Luxury Moisturizing Lipstick- $10 I received Iman Red

Makeup For Ever- Aqua XL Eye Pencil- $9 in Black

Manna Kadar Beauty- Glo Illuminator- $29

Leyla Milani Hait- Miracle Brush- $23

'Tini Beauty- Nail Lacquer- $10.50

And my Bonus gift was Hair Infinity Vitamins sample (value unknown)

I am not going to lie this was not my favorite box that I have received. However there were some stars and the artwork on the box made up for it! I am super excited to try the lipstick, I've never owned or tried any Iman cosmetics and I have a very special love affair with lipstick. I am ashamed to say I have a lipstick addiction and still despite my effort to pare down probably own over 100 lip products....I digress

The eyeliner has me itching to break it out as well. Makeup For Ever is another brand I have not tried or owned before. Who doesn't love a good black eyeliner especially of it doesn't smudge.

Next hit for me is the Manna Kadar illuminator looks intriguing and I haven't heard of this brand before. I  LOVE to glow and I even wear illuminator on my no makeup or light makeup days...This one has pretty pink iridescence that when swatched on my hand didn't leave an ashy cast. This box allows me to try so many brands that I may have never thought to stop and buy or even heard of for that matter. So far my total of product value vs what I paid for the box is $48 vs $25.

The brush, I am using for my son as I have locs and do not brush my hair.  So technically, you can add that to my value vs what I paid calculation:. $71 vs $25.

The hair vitamins only came with a seven day supply so I doubt that is time enough to determine their effectiveness but at least I was introduced to yet another brand. I don't know the value so we are still at $71 value for $25.

Last but not least, is the nail polish. I looked at it and it was a definite giveaway. Mainly because of the color. However, I have found that even when a product doesn't work for me that comes in the box I immediately know someone that I can gift the product to, in this case, I know my boss' daughter Marion would love the hot pink glittery concoction. I wholeheartedly recommend this box and the customer service is excellent! My next box has shipped and it's taken everything in me not to check the spoiler sites to see what it holds. Yet, when I am really honest with myself, I like to be surprised. Once again I am not being paid, compensated or coerced in anyway by We Are Onyx to write this post. They don't even have a referral link (that I know about anyway).

Check um out at www.weareonyx.com

Let me know if you want reviews on the products after I try them. Thanks for listening!!!!
Stay Fluid,

LQD

Fitness Friday and a few other days a week...

Happy Friday!


To continue with my theme of writing about my New Years Goals this month. I am moving onto fitness. My goals are not in any particular order btw! In 2017, I was scale obsessed. Once I purchased my own scale, I started weighing myself daily. Super unhealthy! I would beat myself up over as little as three pounds. I noticed that I might be forming ADDITIONAL body image issues and an eating disorder and scaled (pun intended) back to weighing myself once a week. This year I will not focus on the scale! My goal is to be healthy, fit, toned and slay in a two piece bikini...which I haven't worn comfortably without a tank top in years! I'm considering adding a body fat percentage goal but I don't want to spark that obsessive behavior I have....
Around Oct 2016 I started my weight loss journey and started going to the gym and seeking out a healthier diet. I began lifting which I truly enjoyed! It was stress relieving, my body toned nicely and I loved seeing my body get increasingly stronger. I am no longer a fan of cardio but if I kept short intervals between sets and exercises, it counts as cardio, which meant I didn't have to do a ton more cardio on the stair stepper (my cardio machine of choice). I really want to try a HITT class as well.
My trouble area is my stomach, my arms and legs will tone up nicely; my back will look strong and seductively sleek but my gut well if you prefer a keg over a six pack...I'm your girl LMAO!
During this weigh loss journey I found the ketogenic diet and fell in love! I lost 30lbs quickly and kept it off for all of 2017.
Enter 12/18/17, were my gallbladder was taken away from me... I officially can no longer live the keto lifestyle and I am searching for a new diet with a heavy heart. Oh and I would like to mention that I mean diet like a way that I eat, not like a juice diet but something that I maintain all the time. As I search for a comfortable replacement that is still low carb because well I don't crave carbs like I use to (and I know for my body carbs= 'bootydo' belly sticks out further than your booty do). I am just eating healthy like I know to do. I'm def open for suggestions!
This brings me to my goal. My goal for 2018 is to go to the gym 3 to 4 times a week. I start next week because I wanted to give my body a little extra time to recover from the surgery and adjust to starting back at my restaurant job again. I thank God that He has given me a mind set to not stress about my weight but focus on the positive aspects of fitness. Yes, I want a flat stomach and triple yes on wanting a bigger booty but healthy and toned is my goal and I believe that I can accomplish this by working out 3 to 4 times a week. Thanks for listening!

Stay Fluid,

LQD

*For some reason it won't let me upload a picture I'll do so soon :)*

Mysterious Ways

Hey,

Today marked my return to work. I had been on a short term disability for a month and a half. I work in the restaurant business and believe me that's the equivalent to being away for a year or and a half.  There weer new faces and the veteran employees were acting as if I returned from the dead.  I was pleasantly surprised that it was exactly like riding a bike and I exclaimed that more than twice at work. But let me back it up...

I woke up this morning stressed about whether I would remember my clock in code for work and I didn't want to go back to the job...at all...but my pocket demanded it. The number kept repeating in my head and I just didn't trust it. I woke up got my son off to school and started to clean and prepare for work later that evening and my loc client that I had scheduled at 11. I had plans to go to a local technical college to meet with a entry counselor to enroll for an aesthetic program but my ride canceled. I don't drive. God has been working in my life so greatly...the theme being His plan not mine.
 I've talked about my stress over my son's Christmas (due entirely to money issues I created) and as I continue to give it to God, He continues to provide. I charge $45 for a re-twist but I hadn't seen this client in months and his hair was to put it nicely close to becoming one giant loc. I have been twisting his hair at least a couple years now and he usually waits a good twos/ two and a half months to come back but this was a tad ridiculous! It had been at least 5 months since his last re-twist. I am not judging he is a hard working man who definitely puts his family first and I really enjoy our conversations. He found it in his heart to give me extra! Not to mention my online reselling has been sending notifications to Ship, Ship, Ship! God is so good!!!
After my ride cancel I made plans to go into the office that I am hoping to be in full-time to continue to work on quest for funding (I didn't plan on going in today), I was blessed when I was there as well. We did  not-so-secret-santas...I love it in the office it's such a family environment. I can feel all the love and support that flows through this faith based organization. The kind of environment that I have been seeking and thrive in. I am the only one who doesn't know who has me because everyone blabbed who they had before I got there. I absolutely love working there and that made me dread going to my restaurant job even more. I was going through one of the many government funding options and realized I could have it completed within two weeks. I was elated. I would finally be on the career path I wanted sooner than I thought. I ultimately want to run my own business and with my current position as Executive Assistant, I have a first hand view of everything it takes and not to mention the beautiful (inside and out) owner wants me to take on the role of COO (Chief Operating Officer) very soon so she can return to what she loves doing most (which is being out of the office) We are very complimentary where she lacks I have strength and vice versa.

At this point I was still nervous about work. I dreaded that I would hate being back and that I would make so many mistakes. Wrong! The night was amazing! I didn't make that much money compared to a busy night but my customers where wonderful and I remembered that I am good at my job. One table in-particular was amazing. They where full of compliments about my beauty, service and spirit. I mustered up thank yous because I am working on accepting compliments better. They even went as far as to say that I must know Jesus because I have the glow of one who knows God. I had been praying because I struggle with my religious affiliation. I believe in God but not traditionally and I struggle with Jesus. I've been praying that if Jesus is real in the aspect that my Christian upbringing taught me than to let my heart know it. The jury is still out on this.

All in all, my day turned out to be a loose version of what I originally planned and held almost none of the preconceived negative notions that I wasted time fretting about.  I used to get off work and head straight over to the bar or a grocery store for alcohol. i blamed stress from the job at the time instead of my ragging alcohol. I had no desire to drink, I am beyond tired so I am going to wrap this up (I apologize that this blog is all over the place as well) but I will add that I have plans for tomorrow but I only want God's plans for tomorrow to happen. This won't stop this controlling anxiety-ridden person, who has lists for their lists ,from planning but it does remind me to seek God's will and not my own. Thanks for listening! Blessings!


Stay Fluid,

LQD

Before work...Glow On!!!

Peace Be

Still,

On the car ride to the office this morning I was blessed with a message. My son is God's child. He is here for me to love, hold and care for but ultimately he is God's child. I found myself worrying about his Christmas. My selfish and irreparable actions as of late left me wondering if my son would be punished. However, my car companion pointed out that God knew what I was going to do before I did it, he knows my imperfections. I can make my plans but God plans reach further and are more expansive than I could ever comprehend. I can never pretend to understand the mind of God. This by no means lets me off the hook but opens my mind up to focus on recovery and growth. I took solace in the fact that my son's Christmas can still be if I stopped beating myself up and give it to God. Immediately (well almost), I found peace. The worries of  'sins of the mother' stopped ringing in my head. Though, I did have to re-center and remind myself that God will provide and to let him have it completely.

I struggle with the fact that some divine retribution is headed my way for my actions. So I continue to pray that I will find serenity in the storm if it is headed my way.

Stay Fluid,

LQD

New Direction

Dear Readers,

In an effort to help me stay consistent with blogging, follow my counseling directives, stay humble and help others, I've decided to change this forum to a journal format. This by no means is easy and will surely be unflattering but I believe all in all it will be therapeutic and more beneficial than detrimental. So, let's begin...

Today, I am 11 days sober. I decided after a near 12 year alcoholic binge that it was time to stop. I stopped drinking 12/1/2017 with the support of a dear friend. Alcohol among other things was really messing up my life. After nine days of sobriety and near perfect joy, I decided to let my other addiction get the best of me...Gambling...mind you I have an awesome 8 year old son and well it's this close to Christmas...I felt the need to not just attend A.A meetings about seven days into my sobriety,,,the itch to gamble was growing with each short-term disability check. Yet, I ignored it with some twisted hope that alcohol was the root of my problem and that I could gamble responsibility if I were not drinking. Well, that myth has been debunked. It is oh so true that once you cross that invisible line to compulsive gambling there is no turning back. After, I lost all my money I even considered taking an old man up on his offer for paid sex. Luckily, for me I was too sober to do so.

I blamed it on loneliness but I'm not sure that's it. I have a knack for self sabotage which since my goal is to journal nightly I will get into later. My counselor is determined to find out what it is that I am burying that gives me the capacity for these atrocities but I digress. I am lonely. I mean, I've been in two very sorted relationships this year in which I felt used. I tend to find people who need me because of my insecurities and then get fed up with them, well, needing me. I've had my share of trysts since then but I've since put relationships on hold and am very scared of dating now...I mean where do you go on a date sober? I am so outgoing, interesting and sexy in my mind when I am under the influence but sober? I am reminded of my high school days where I was literally called 'Jesus" I was so good..I had hair of lambs wool they jested because I rocked natural hair before it was in and there were tutorials on how to make it look nice. I just liked the way my hair grew out of my head. I find myself timid, shy and awkward sober. I really battle with confidence and have since I can remember.
I know I am all over the place right now. I have to say after losing my ass at the casino, I am solid in the fact that I can not gamble...sober or not. I would normally have resigned myself to my couch for a week and beat myself up until I could finally peek at myself in a mirror but I remembered a share from an A.A meeting (a bit too late), he said if it is my idea it was probably a bad one. That fact combined that I spent all day Sunday wallowing in my stupidity and sleeping to the point that when my son left for school today he commented that I would probably be in the same spot because I didn't feel good and I would probably sleep all day, got me to move.  I did exactly what I didn't want to do today. I got dressed, put a little makeup on, went to counseling and went into the office where I am helping out currently and guess what? I was blessed. I can't get that money back but I can move forward. Hopefully, this will stick with me and since I am sober, I can remember and actually fast forward the tape next time I've got the bright idea that the casino will solve my problems. I really appreciate you listening.

Stay Fluid,

LQD

Me ignoring all the signs that I shouldn't go to the casino...

I'm so happy before I lost my $$$

Jem-stone

I got Kiss, I got Jem...but its just me. I like to be different...conventional is so overrated. My sister and I adventured out to Portland, Oregon for #Briqhouse Burlesque performance at a venue called Crush. It was a definite treat! We painted the town black after and between midnight and 3 a.m. I had already hit my 10,000 steps for the day. I was in sooo much pain! I had leg day the morning before I went out. I just started lifting again so I had a point to prove to myself...which apparently I found out after a night of entertainment and dancing, was less 'I am a beast' and more 'sh*t I'm getting old'... The event Burlesque show was beautiful. None of the womens' bodies were what media portrays as perfection but the way they moved celebrated a deep self love. I was inspired. While performing may not necessarily be something that I want to add to my long list of life experiences, I do want to have that level of confidence. Yes, I want to achieve a self love and confidence that is so immense I would be happy to perform practically naked on the stage of life. Give a whole new meaning to #LocStar :)  Thank you for your inspiration ladies!

Jem would have stayed in theaters full term if I'd a stared in it...js

lips: NYX Cosmetics Soft Matte Lip Cream in Monte Carlo

Kara #5 lashes (my new faves and there only $1) #ShopMissA

 Yes my secret is suppose to be out lmao

My fly sister and me! 

#30 is definitely a different ball game. I have come in to myself so much more. I am striving for improvement always but I am so much more satiated with 'me'! What I need to work on continuously is my confidence and not caring what other people might say or think. 18 years of habit is hard to break and I have only been consistently working on changing my thinking for a few years. Ne*who, please remember if you go out dancing after leg day please have a seat ...1000 of them....then look over because I'm sitting right next to you...

Downtown Portland: This guy had major swag though lmao just posted up on the tree 

My Sister and Me!!!

STAY FLUID,

LQD

BRAZILIAN AMBITIONS

Well folks! I am back and before you stone me for my absence, I would like to tell you that...see what had happened was... Okay, so I don't have a good excuse... I just need to get better. I need to believe in myself and hope someone somewhere is reading this blog and enjoying it as much as I enjoy writing it! But most of all I need to stay consistent with my entries.

Lately, I have been dreaming of tropical weather and sun. In rainy, dreary Tacoma spirits can get low quick. So even though its been fall I have been reaching for my brighter eyeshadow palettes. I'm not necessarily wearing the electric greens or bright oranges but just looking at the fun colors reminds me of warmth, fun and sun. Specifically, I have been rotating in my BH Cosmetics Take me to Brazil Palette. It is so versatile and fun to come up with different looks. I bought this palette awhile back after I watched Tymetheinfamous rave of its quality and great price (Barbie on a budget). The shadows are pigmented and don't have much fall out. The only thing I don't care for is the shadows can come out of the palette sometimes. I would suggest investing in a glue gun because if your make-up collection is anything like mine, that  single shadow just became a cast member on LOST.

BH Cosmetics 30 Color Eyeshadow Palette

Take me to Brazil

The packaging is so festive! Brightens my day!

As you can see I am one man down :(

I have done two different looks with the BH Cosmetics palette lately. One very fall inspired make up look that used a shimmery copper shade from the palette (bottom row of round shadows, first on the left) and plum shades from an elf palette.

 The second look was me feeling funky and wanting to switch up my normal red lip work routine! I used purple and blue shadows to do a smokey eye. The best part was win I put the iridescent white shadow/highlighter (rectangle shaped one bottom left) on the inner corner of my eye the shadows turned into a iridescent green. If you follow me at all you know I am a statement lip kind of girl! Yet, I was really feeling this look and wore a nude lip!

It's good to be back! 

Stay Fluid,

LQD 

Revelation

It has occurred to me that there is no inherent change at 30. While this may not be a news flash to my beloved readers, it was a rude awakening to me. Here I am, ten days into my 30th year and I feel no difference...Well maybe more fatigue and a keener sense of disappointment. I was promised a better sense of self; that once I crossed thirty I would know the woman I am and be more confident in my skin and have more fun in life. 

Since, I have turned 30 I have not once done my make up or styled my hair. I have not coordinated pieces to reflect to the world the "woman I am" through my wardrobe...and I most definitely have not had more fun! I stand in a sheepish awe, somehow I thought I turn 30 and thunder and lighting would crash down, then the clouds would part and my life would be different. My finances would be fixed, my confidence and esteem would peak, I would be the most put together that I'd ever been in my life! Instead I am just unusually tired, not motivated to spend time beautifying myself and in the throws of anticipation as I wait while my Higher Power guides my path and my businesses grow.

What I realize though is there are some major differences between my 20s and what stage has been set for my 30s. I have put drinking behind me. My days of partying and using alcohol to satiate my taste for fun (and for many other reasons...to be honest) are squarely set in my 20s. Also, I am done with excuses, I am accountable for my actions. I will no longer blame what has been done to me or my conditions etc. I am learning to love, forgive and show compassion to myself. I truly believe that I can achieve my dreams and accomplish my goals! Finally, my circle of friends that we're a strong part of my last decade have had no presence in my 30s.

My revelation is that turning 30 wasn't the instant fix I'd hoped for. But, it set the stage for me to transform into the woman I truly am. My priorities have changed and my vision has opened. I am in forward motion.
The only other thing I can say is I do need to build a circle. Making friends is hard but it does make you feel young again. Does she like me? Do I like her? Is she cool? am I cool? Do I wanna be cool? I'm weird and I have trust issues...I have the unrealistic expectation at this age of wanting to be fast friends and sometimes that doesn't sit well with people. With all my childhood relationships severed its hard to go it alone. Yet,  it's better that I stand alone than build my foundation on others (when I did this I took a hard fall). I miss having girlfriends but someday I will again...

Stay Fluid,

LQD

Mrs. Doubtfire

I have some lofty monetary gains goals for this year and as it approaches the half way mark of the year (yes only about 45 more days away), I cringe. Yet, this time I am not going to let Mrs.Doubtfire emerge. I am going to continue to believe and not count out the fact that I a might be a late 'green' bloomer. Usually my depressive, doubtful, self-sabotaging diva Debbie Downer Doubtfire emerges. But no more! I know that I can accomplish my financial goals for this year.
Most of you have heard of the documentary "The Secret'...If you haven't, go watch it...now...it's on NetFlix...I'll wait....I need to focus on the law of attraction and most importantly staying positive. After, I finally gave in to Oprah's and a good friend's recommendation to watch this documentary just a about a month ago, I was completely and utterly shocked. It wasn't nearly as corny as I thought it was going to be. I found a lot of truth in it actually. The more I focused on my goals each day, the more ideas flowed within me to reach them. I started to get on track and I had so many things on my mind I couldn't sleep.
Unfortunately, sleep is necessary for my mental health, so this last couple of weeks I have been a bit off on the whole goal accomplishing thing. I could choose to stay off track (as I normally would) but 2015 is my year and I refuse!!! I sit her on a Saturday, posting on my blog. A blog that I have been trying to post to consistently on for years! Now, I am making strides at doing so. I also running a few of my own businesses and have almost completed my business plan for my non profit. Success is eminent with hard work and positivity.
I am not going to lie...this is where I usually hit my wall. I start doubting that I can accomplish my goals, that I can go above and beyond...I mean what makes me so special? Do I even deserve it? Yet, you know what?!?!? If I don't, my son does and my family members who have always been there for me do!Forgive me, I am working in counseling on self-love but until I actualize that, the love of money is enough to drive me to my success...

Stay Fluid,

LQD

P.S I now am offering a E-newsletter that will help you Stay Fluid: Including but not limited to Money Saving and Growing Tips, Style, Health, Beauty and Resources!!!!