On the car ride to the office this morning I was blessed with a message. My son is God's child. He is here for me to love, hold and care for but ultimately he is God's child. I found myself worrying about his Christmas. My selfish and irreparable actions as of late left me wondering if my son would be punished. However, my car companion pointed out that God knew what I was going to do before I did it, he knows my imperfections. I can make my plans but God plans reach further and are more expansive than I could ever comprehend. I can never pretend to understand the mind of God. This by no means lets me off the hook but opens my mind up to focus on recovery and growth. I took solace in the fact that my son's Christmas can still be if I stopped beating myself up and give it to God. Immediately (well almost), I found peace. The worries of 'sins of the mother' stopped ringing in my head. Though, I did have to re-center and remind myself that God will provide and to let him have it completely.
I struggle with the fact that some divine retribution is headed my way for my actions. So I continue to pray that I will find serenity in the storm if it is headed my way.
Stay Fluid,
LQD
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