Never Fear

Hey,

I didn't leave you that quick! I plan on blogging at least 3 to 4 times a week. Last week, however, kept up with my theme of God's plan not my plan. I went back to work and was feeling amazing making money everyday! Cash in hand same day is one of the best things about being a server but it's also one of the hardest when you are a compulsive gambler. I staved off the urge to drink and gamble and finished all my shifts with my head held high. Then came Sunday (12/17) before last... I was serving and about three hours into my shift, I got the most excruciating stomach pain since I had my son. I asked to leave early and caught the bus home in a magnitude of pain. It finally got so bad I called an ambulance and rode in tears of pain all the way to hospital. Long story compressed, I had to have my gallbladder removed and guess whose out on leave again? ...yup...
At this point, I took it upon myself to leave it in God's hands. I just got back to work and I started to stress about the money I was suppose to be making while I was laid up in this hospital and then it came to me...God's Plan NOT mine. I left it in His all-capable hands. I feel now that God is sending me a message about where I am suppose to be career wise.
I am listening but have been having a hard time setting myself to a formal prayer session. I to Him throughout the day but I have a great urge to have a more formal prayer session daily. I also have been moved to read...I don't know why it is so hard for me now, I used to be an avid reader. Now it is hard for me to turn off the T.V. or set down my phone. This is another area I need to work on...

Merry Christmas everyone btw!!!! My son is just now waking up at 11:30vam Christmas Day...different kinda of kid if you ask me. I used to wake my parents up at like 5 or 6 am on Christmas to open gifts and they would not be having it; but I tried...I just grateful for God coming through for HIS son because Kie's got plenty under that tree despite my efforts at self-sabatoge!
I want to urge anyone reading this...to let go and let God. There is a difference in being persistent and forcing your will over God's. Listen to God. He is sending a message...How many times does She have to send it for you to receive it...


Stay Fluid,

LQD

My first day back to work at the restaurant! I was feeling great to be working again!

This is the office where God has been pushing me to work for the last three years and I keep running from it. Not anymore. I am listening! I work as an Executive Assistant right now with a path of become the C.O.O or Chief Operating Officer. I was working both jobs when my gallbladder decided to act up lol... Side note: I thrifted this dress and was finally able to fit in to it!!! Was so happy and it looked so good (if I do say so myself) and the lip is NARS pencil in Cruella which is a really pretty matte red but the color is off  in this picture...my phone camera is not the best...

My son and I at the office gift exchange lunch four days after my surgery...I moved roughly as fast as AOL dial-up...

Peace Be

Still,

On the car ride to the office this morning I was blessed with a message. My son is God's child. He is here for me to love, hold and care for but ultimately he is God's child. I found myself worrying about his Christmas. My selfish and irreparable actions as of late left me wondering if my son would be punished. However, my car companion pointed out that God knew what I was going to do before I did it, he knows my imperfections. I can make my plans but God plans reach further and are more expansive than I could ever comprehend. I can never pretend to understand the mind of God. This by no means lets me off the hook but opens my mind up to focus on recovery and growth. I took solace in the fact that my son's Christmas can still be if I stopped beating myself up and give it to God. Immediately (well almost), I found peace. The worries of  'sins of the mother' stopped ringing in my head. Though, I did have to re-center and remind myself that God will provide and to let him have it completely.

I struggle with the fact that some divine retribution is headed my way for my actions. So I continue to pray that I will find serenity in the storm if it is headed my way.

Stay Fluid,

LQD