Thursday, January 11, 2018

Can't slip

Greetings,

Last week I slid by with two posts but I can't keep slippin! I am going to make it a point to post three times a week. I have to stick to my guns *pew pew* Ne who... I am going to take a break from resolutions posting today and talk about a monthly subscription box I truly think is worth it!
We are Onyx curates a monthly subscription box that is geared toward women of color. It cost $25 a month but the value always comes to way over that, December's box had over $82 dollars worth of product. Every month you receive hair and beauty products that celebrate melanin! I would like to point out that celebration of melanin is not degradation of those without.

I have had other subscriptions and found myself only able to use maybe one of the products that come in the box and it just wasn't worth my money. Even if I entered my profile and answered the questionnaires, I would end up with too light colors, styling mousses etc month after month that just seemed like a waste of my coin. I can't always use all the items in the Onyx boxes but more often than not I end up getting more than my moneys worth out of the products that I can use.

This months box had six items but it varies every month between 4 to 6 items.

December's box included:

Iman Cosmetics- Luxury Moisturizing Lipstick- $10 I received Iman Red

Makeup For Ever- Aqua XL Eye Pencil- $9 in Black

Manna Kadar Beauty- Glo Illuminator- $29

Leyla Milani Hait- Miracle Brush- $23

'Tini Beauty- Nail Lacquer- $10.50

And my Bonus gift was Hair Infinity Vitamins sample (value unknown)

I am not going to lie this was not my favorite box that I have received. However there were some stars and the artwork on the box made up for it! I am super excited to try the lipstick, I've never owned or tried any Iman cosmetics and I have a very special love affair with lipstick. I am ashamed to say I have a lipstick addiction and still despite my effort to pare down probably own over 100 lip products....I digress


The eyeliner has me itching to break it out as well. Makeup For Ever is another brand I have not tried or owned before. Who doesn't love a good black eyeliner especially of it doesn't smudge.

Next hit for me is the Manna Kadar illuminator looks intriguing and I haven't heard of this brand before. I  LOVE to glow and I even wear illuminator on my no makeup or light makeup days...This one has pretty pink iridescence that when swatched on my hand didn't leave an ashy cast. This box allows me to try so many brands that I may have never thought to stop and buy or even heard of for that matter. So far my total of product value vs what I paid for the box is $48 vs $25.

The brush, I am using for my son as I have locs and do not brush my hair.  So technically, you can add that to my value vs what I paid calculation:. $71 vs $25.

The hair vitamins only came with a seven day supply so I doubt that is time enough to determine their effectiveness but at least I was introduced to yet another brand. I don't know the value so we are still at $71 value for $25.

Last but not least, is the nail polish. I looked at it and it was a definite giveaway. Mainly because of the color. However, I have found that even when a product doesn't work for me that comes in the box I immediately know someone that I can gift the product to, in this case, I know my boss' daughter Marion would love the hot pink glittery concoction. I wholeheartedly recommend this box and the customer service is excellent! My next box has shipped and it's taken everything in me not to check the spoiler sites to see what it holds. Yet, when I am really honest with myself, I like to be surprised. Once again I am not being paid, compensated or coerced in anyway by We Are Onyx to write this post. They don't even have a referral link (that I know about anyway).

Check um out at www.weareonyx.com

Let me know if you want reviews on the products after I try them. Thanks for listening!!!!
Stay Fluid,

LQD







Friday, January 5, 2018

Fitness Friday and a few other days a week...

Happy Friday!


To continue with my theme of writing about my New Years Goals this month. I am moving onto fitness. My goals are not in any particular order btw! In 2017, I was scale obsessed. Once I purchased my own scale, I started weighing myself daily. Super unhealthy! I would beat myself up over as little as three pounds. I noticed that I might be forming ADDITIONAL body image issues and an eating disorder and scaled (pun intended) back to weighing myself once a week. This year I will not focus on the scale! My goal is to be healthy, fit, toned and slay in a two piece bikini...which I haven't worn comfortably without a tank top in years! I'm considering adding a body fat percentage goal but I don't want to spark that obsessive behavior I have....
Around Oct 2016 I started my weight loss journey and started going to the gym and seeking out a healthier diet. I began lifting which I truly enjoyed! It was stress relieving, my body toned nicely and I loved seeing my body get increasingly stronger. I am no longer a fan of cardio but if I kept short intervals between sets and exercises, it counts as cardio, which meant I didn't have to do a ton more cardio on the stair stepper (my cardio machine of choice). I really want to try a HITT class as well.
My trouble area is my stomach, my arms and legs will tone up nicely; my back will look strong and seductively sleek but my gut well if you prefer a keg over a six pack...I'm your girl LMAO!
During this weigh loss journey I found the ketogenic diet and fell in love! I lost 30lbs quickly and kept it off for all of 2017.
Enter 12/18/17, were my gallbladder was taken away from me... I officially can no longer live the keto lifestyle and I am searching for a new diet with a heavy heart. Oh and I would like to mention that I mean diet like a way that I eat, not like a juice diet but something that I maintain all the time. As I search for a comfortable replacement that is still low carb because well I don't crave carbs like I use to (and I know for my body carbs= 'bootydo' belly sticks out further than your booty do). I am just eating healthy like I know to do. I'm def open for suggestions!
This brings me to my goal. My goal for 2018 is to go to the gym 3 to 4 times a week. I start next week because I wanted to give my body a little extra time to recover from the surgery and adjust to starting back at my restaurant job again. I thank God that He has given me a mind set to not stress about my weight but focus on the positive aspects of fitness. Yes, I want a flat stomach and triple yes on wanting a bigger booty but healthy and toned is my goal and I believe that I can accomplish this by working out 3 to 4 times a week. Thanks for listening!

Stay Fluid,

LQD

*For some reason it won't let me upload a picture I'll do so soon :)*



Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Happy New Year!

Salutations,

This month I am writing my blogs around my resolutions. One of my many resolutions I have is to blog at least 3 times a week! I hope that with this effort my blog will grow and I can reach more people who are interested in my content. It has been hard for me to consistently blog because previously, I let things get in the way of my passions. 2018 will be different! Look forward to hearing from me at least 3 times a week. I am aiming for a Monday. Wednesday, Friday posting schedule but the ultimate goal is just to have at least three of these blogs up.

Coming into this year I actually wrote down my goals. Granted, I didn't do so until the 1st but they were written down none the less. The first goal I want to talk about surrounds sleep. I had some un-amazing relationships in 2017 with people who took advantage of my kindness. I let these individuals take over my room for various reasons. I don't want to get into too much detail but let's just say I developed a habit of sleeping on the couch. I would estimate that I slept on my couch, falling asleep to the T.V about 340 days out of last year. Needless to say, I formed a habit. When I went to return to sleeping in my room I was met by my dear friend anxiety. I thought it would be impossible for me to fall asleep without the T.V on in the background or the familiarity of the couch. However, I stuck to my guns and have been sleeping in my room, in my tiny twin bed the last few nights. I didn't always have a twin btw, I let one of my ex's take my pillow top mattress becaus...well she lived in it. My son still finds me at night and sleeps with me. I do have to say there is a lot more room for us on the bed than the couch. This equates to better sleep because I have not gotten kicked or slapped by him in his sleep since the couch to bed transition. Winning!!!!

I need to talk to my doctor about my sleep patterns. I have been waking up every two and a half to three hours and after five hours I feel as though I could get up and go about my day. I have been making myself lay the eff back down but I don't exceed seven hours and haven't slept straight through the night. I've never claimed to be normal but this doesn't seem right. Also, I want to start reading before bed. I have been off my reading game and I've always had a passion for reading. I'm assuming that this will help eliminate my before bedtime anxiety as well.

I started with sleep as the first resolution to talk about because getting a good nights sleep is important to all areas of health. It is a basic fundamental thing that I have been taking for granted. It helps you stay young, beautiful, and slim. It's important for brain function and it helps me stay stable. Bipolar people like myself benefit from set schedules and a full nights sleep. When I was drinking I used to be a night owl and now I am perfectly fine with going to bed at 10 pm and definitely way more of a morning person. I am trying to get my ideal schedule down but I seem to be brighter, happier and more productive in the mornings.

I hope your New Year has gotten off to a marvelous start! I would love feedback and questions from you!  And as always,

Stay Fluid,

LQD


So went full Glam to watch the fireworks at the Space Needle. I have on
Kiss lashes: they started with an R and are winged lashes
ELF eyeshadows
Hard Candy loose glitter
*This was my first cut crease and I think it came out great!*
ELF foundation in Coco (black cap and pump)
Wet n Wild eye liner
Ruby Kisses brow powder and gel
Shea Mouisture Bronzer
Tarte Shape Tape Concealor 
Elf highlight powder baked gems
*if you want more details on the look let me know!*


I haven't did pipe cleaner curls and forever. I forgot how cute they are when in the set and when you take them down! *If you want details on that let me know!*
Scarf: H&M
Jacket: Hot Topic Gotham Selina Kyle Jacket

Monday, December 25, 2017

Never Fear

Hey,

I didn't leave you that quick! I plan on blogging at least 3 to 4 times a week. Last week, however, kept up with my theme of God's plan not my plan. I went back to work and was feeling amazing making money everyday! Cash in hand same day is one of the best things about being a server but it's also one of the hardest when you are a compulsive gambler. I staved off the urge to drink and gamble and finished all my shifts with my head held high. Then came Sunday (12/17) before last... I was serving and about three hours into my shift, I got the most excruciating stomach pain since I had my son. I asked to leave early and caught the bus home in a magnitude of pain. It finally got so bad I called an ambulance and rode in tears of pain all the way to hospital. Long story compressed, I had to have my gallbladder removed and guess whose out on leave again? ...yup...
At this point, I took it upon myself to leave it in God's hands. I just got back to work and I started to stress about the money I was suppose to be making while I was laid up in this hospital and then it came to me...God's Plan NOT mine. I left it in His all-capable hands. I feel now that God is sending me a message about where I am suppose to be career wise.
I am listening but have been having a hard time setting myself to a formal prayer session. I to Him throughout the day but I have a great urge to have a more formal prayer session daily. I also have been moved to read...I don't know why it is so hard for me now, I used to be an avid reader. Now it is hard for me to turn off the T.V. or set down my phone. This is another area I need to work on...

Merry Christmas everyone btw!!!! My son is just now waking up at 11:30vam Christmas Day...different kinda of kid if you ask me. I used to wake my parents up at like 5 or 6 am on Christmas to open gifts and they would not be having it; but I tried...I just grateful for God coming through for HIS son because Kie's got plenty under that tree despite my efforts at self-sabatoge!
I want to urge anyone reading this...to let go and let God. There is a difference in being persistent and forcing your will over God's. Listen to God. He is sending a message...How many times does She have to send it for you to receive it...


Stay Fluid,

LQD


My first day back to work at the restaurant! I was feeling great to be working again!


This is the office where God has been pushing me to work for the last three years and I keep running from it. Not anymore. I am listening! I work as an Executive Assistant right now with a path of become the C.O.O or Chief Operating Officer. I was working both jobs when my gallbladder decided to act up lol... Side note: I thrifted this dress and was finally able to fit in to it!!! Was so happy and it looked so good (if I do say so myself) and the lip is NARS pencil in Cruella which is a really pretty matte red but the color is off  in this picture...my phone camera is not the best...


My son and I at the office gift exchange lunch four days after my surgery...I moved roughly as fast as AOL dial-up...

Friday, December 15, 2017

Mysterious Ways

Hey,

Today marked my return to work. I had been on a short term disability for a month and a half. I work in the restaurant business and believe me that's the equivalent to being away for a year or and a half.  There weer new faces and the veteran employees were acting as if I returned from the dead.  I was pleasantly surprised that it was exactly like riding a bike and I exclaimed that more than twice at work. But let me back it up...

I woke up this morning stressed about whether I would remember my clock in code for work and I didn't want to go back to the job...at all...but my pocket demanded it. The number kept repeating in my head and I just didn't trust it. I woke up got my son off to school and started to clean and prepare for work later that evening and my loc client that I had scheduled at 11. I had plans to go to a local technical college to meet with a entry counselor to enroll for an aesthetic program but my ride canceled. I don't drive. God has been working in my life so greatly...the theme being His plan not mine.
 I've talked about my stress over my son's Christmas (due entirely to money issues I created) and as I continue to give it to God, He continues to provide. I charge $45 for a re-twist but I hadn't seen this client in months and his hair was to put it nicely close to becoming one giant loc. I have been twisting his hair at least a couple years now and he usually waits a good twos/ two and a half months to come back but this was a tad ridiculous! It had been at least 5 months since his last re-twist. I am not judging he is a hard working man who definitely puts his family first and I really enjoy our conversations. He found it in his heart to give me extra! Not to mention my online reselling has been sending notifications to Ship, Ship, Ship! God is so good!!!
After my ride cancel I made plans to go into the office that I am hoping to be in full-time to continue to work on quest for funding (I didn't plan on going in today), I was blessed when I was there as well. We did  not-so-secret-santas...I love it in the office it's such a family environment. I can feel all the love and support that flows through this faith based organization. The kind of environment that I have been seeking and thrive in. I am the only one who doesn't know who has me because everyone blabbed who they had before I got there. I absolutely love working there and that made me dread going to my restaurant job even more. I was going through one of the many government funding options and realized I could have it completed within two weeks. I was elated. I would finally be on the career path I wanted sooner than I thought. I ultimately want to run my own business and with my current position as Executive Assistant, I have a first hand view of everything it takes and not to mention the beautiful (inside and out) owner wants me to take on the role of COO (Chief Operating Officer) very soon so she can return to what she loves doing most (which is being out of the office) We are very complimentary where she lacks I have strength and vice versa.

At this point I was still nervous about work. I dreaded that I would hate being back and that I would make so many mistakes. Wrong! The night was amazing! I didn't make that much money compared to a busy night but my customers where wonderful and I remembered that I am good at my job. One table in-particular was amazing. They where full of compliments about my beauty, service and spirit. I mustered up thank yous because I am working on accepting compliments better. They even went as far as to say that I must know Jesus because I have the glow of one who knows God. I had been praying because I struggle with my religious affiliation. I believe in God but not traditionally and I struggle with Jesus. I've been praying that if Jesus is real in the aspect that my Christian upbringing taught me than to let my heart know it. The jury is still out on this.

All in all, my day turned out to be a loose version of what I originally planned and held almost none of the preconceived negative notions that I wasted time fretting about.  I used to get off work and head straight over to the bar or a grocery store for alcohol. i blamed stress from the job at the time instead of my ragging alcohol. I had no desire to drink, I am beyond tired so I am going to wrap this up (I apologize that this blog is all over the place as well) but I will add that I have plans for tomorrow but I only want God's plans for tomorrow to happen. This won't stop this controlling anxiety-ridden person, who has lists for their lists ,from planning but it does remind me to seek God's will and not my own. Thanks for listening! Blessings!


Stay Fluid,

LQD


Before work...Glow On!!!

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Peace Be

Still,

On the car ride to the office this morning I was blessed with a message. My son is God's child. He is here for me to love, hold and care for but ultimately he is God's child. I found myself worrying about his Christmas. My selfish and irreparable actions as of late left me wondering if my son would be punished. However, my car companion pointed out that God knew what I was going to do before I did it, he knows my imperfections. I can make my plans but God plans reach further and are more expansive than I could ever comprehend. I can never pretend to understand the mind of God. This by no means lets me off the hook but opens my mind up to focus on recovery and growth. I took solace in the fact that my son's Christmas can still be if I stopped beating myself up and give it to God. Immediately (well almost), I found peace. The worries of  'sins of the mother' stopped ringing in my head. Though, I did have to re-center and remind myself that God will provide and to let him have it completely.

I struggle with the fact that some divine retribution is headed my way for my actions. So I continue to pray that I will find serenity in the storm if it is headed my way.

Stay Fluid,

LQD


Monday, December 11, 2017

New Direction

Dear Readers,

In an effort to help me stay consistent with blogging, follow my counseling directives, stay humble and help others, I've decided to change this forum to a journal format. This by no means is easy and will surely be unflattering but I believe all in all it will be therapeutic and more beneficial than detrimental. So, let's begin...

Today, I am 11 days sober. I decided after a near 12 year alcoholic binge that it was time to stop. I stopped drinking 12/1/2017 with the support of a dear friend. Alcohol among other things was really messing up my life. After nine days of sobriety and near perfect joy, I decided to let my other addiction get the best of me...Gambling...mind you I have an awesome 8 year old son and well it's this close to Christmas...I felt the need to not just attend A.A meetings about seven days into my sobriety,,,the itch to gamble was growing with each short-term disability check. Yet, I ignored it with some twisted hope that alcohol was the root of my problem and that I could gamble responsibility if I were not drinking. Well, that myth has been debunked. It is oh so true that once you cross that invisible line to compulsive gambling there is no turning back. After, I lost all my money I even considered taking an old man up on his offer for paid sex. Luckily, for me I was too sober to do so.

I blamed it on loneliness but I'm not sure that's it. I have a knack for self sabotage which since my goal is to journal nightly I will get into later. My counselor is determined to find out what it is that I am burying that gives me the capacity for these atrocities but I digress. I am lonely. I mean, I've been in two very sorted relationships this year in which I felt used. I tend to find people who need me because of my insecurities and then get fed up with them, well, needing me. I've had my share of trysts since then but I've since put relationships on hold and am very scared of dating now...I mean where do you go on a date sober? I am so outgoing, interesting and sexy in my mind when I am under the influence but sober? I am reminded of my high school days where I was literally called 'Jesus" I was so good..I had hair of lambs wool they jested because I rocked natural hair before it was in and there were tutorials on how to make it look nice. I just liked the way my hair grew out of my head. I find myself timid, shy and awkward sober. I really battle with confidence and have since I can remember.
I know I am all over the place right now. I have to say after losing my ass at the casino, I am solid in the fact that I can not gamble...sober or not. I would normally have resigned myself to my couch for a week and beat myself up until I could finally peek at myself in a mirror but I remembered a share from an A.A meeting (a bit too late), he said if it is my idea it was probably a bad one. That fact combined that I spent all day Sunday wallowing in my stupidity and sleeping to the point that when my son left for school today he commented that I would probably be in the same spot because I didn't feel good and I would probably sleep all day, got me to move.  I did exactly what I didn't want to do today. I got dressed, put a little makeup on, went to counseling and went into the office where I am helping out currently and guess what? I was blessed. I can't get that money back but I can move forward. Hopefully, this will stick with me and since I am sober, I can remember and actually fast forward the tape next time I've got the bright idea that the casino will solve my problems. I really appreciate you listening.

Stay Fluid,

LQD



Me ignoring all the signs that I shouldn't go to the casino...
I'm so happy before I lost my $$$