Never Fear

Hey,

I didn't leave you that quick! I plan on blogging at least 3 to 4 times a week. Last week, however, kept up with my theme of God's plan not my plan. I went back to work and was feeling amazing making money everyday! Cash in hand same day is one of the best things about being a server but it's also one of the hardest when you are a compulsive gambler. I staved off the urge to drink and gamble and finished all my shifts with my head held high. Then came Sunday (12/17) before last... I was serving and about three hours into my shift, I got the most excruciating stomach pain since I had my son. I asked to leave early and caught the bus home in a magnitude of pain. It finally got so bad I called an ambulance and rode in tears of pain all the way to hospital. Long story compressed, I had to have my gallbladder removed and guess whose out on leave again? ...yup...
At this point, I took it upon myself to leave it in God's hands. I just got back to work and I started to stress about the money I was suppose to be making while I was laid up in this hospital and then it came to me...God's Plan NOT mine. I left it in His all-capable hands. I feel now that God is sending me a message about where I am suppose to be career wise.
I am listening but have been having a hard time setting myself to a formal prayer session. I to Him throughout the day but I have a great urge to have a more formal prayer session daily. I also have been moved to read...I don't know why it is so hard for me now, I used to be an avid reader. Now it is hard for me to turn off the T.V. or set down my phone. This is another area I need to work on...

Merry Christmas everyone btw!!!! My son is just now waking up at 11:30vam Christmas Day...different kinda of kid if you ask me. I used to wake my parents up at like 5 or 6 am on Christmas to open gifts and they would not be having it; but I tried...I just grateful for God coming through for HIS son because Kie's got plenty under that tree despite my efforts at self-sabatoge!
I want to urge anyone reading this...to let go and let God. There is a difference in being persistent and forcing your will over God's. Listen to God. He is sending a message...How many times does She have to send it for you to receive it...


Stay Fluid,

LQD

My first day back to work at the restaurant! I was feeling great to be working again!

This is the office where God has been pushing me to work for the last three years and I keep running from it. Not anymore. I am listening! I work as an Executive Assistant right now with a path of become the C.O.O or Chief Operating Officer. I was working both jobs when my gallbladder decided to act up lol... Side note: I thrifted this dress and was finally able to fit in to it!!! Was so happy and it looked so good (if I do say so myself) and the lip is NARS pencil in Cruella which is a really pretty matte red but the color is off  in this picture...my phone camera is not the best...

My son and I at the office gift exchange lunch four days after my surgery...I moved roughly as fast as AOL dial-up...

Mysterious Ways

Hey,

Today marked my return to work. I had been on a short term disability for a month and a half. I work in the restaurant business and believe me that's the equivalent to being away for a year or and a half.  There weer new faces and the veteran employees were acting as if I returned from the dead.  I was pleasantly surprised that it was exactly like riding a bike and I exclaimed that more than twice at work. But let me back it up...

I woke up this morning stressed about whether I would remember my clock in code for work and I didn't want to go back to the job...at all...but my pocket demanded it. The number kept repeating in my head and I just didn't trust it. I woke up got my son off to school and started to clean and prepare for work later that evening and my loc client that I had scheduled at 11. I had plans to go to a local technical college to meet with a entry counselor to enroll for an aesthetic program but my ride canceled. I don't drive. God has been working in my life so greatly...the theme being His plan not mine.
 I've talked about my stress over my son's Christmas (due entirely to money issues I created) and as I continue to give it to God, He continues to provide. I charge $45 for a re-twist but I hadn't seen this client in months and his hair was to put it nicely close to becoming one giant loc. I have been twisting his hair at least a couple years now and he usually waits a good twos/ two and a half months to come back but this was a tad ridiculous! It had been at least 5 months since his last re-twist. I am not judging he is a hard working man who definitely puts his family first and I really enjoy our conversations. He found it in his heart to give me extra! Not to mention my online reselling has been sending notifications to Ship, Ship, Ship! God is so good!!!
After my ride cancel I made plans to go into the office that I am hoping to be in full-time to continue to work on quest for funding (I didn't plan on going in today), I was blessed when I was there as well. We did  not-so-secret-santas...I love it in the office it's such a family environment. I can feel all the love and support that flows through this faith based organization. The kind of environment that I have been seeking and thrive in. I am the only one who doesn't know who has me because everyone blabbed who they had before I got there. I absolutely love working there and that made me dread going to my restaurant job even more. I was going through one of the many government funding options and realized I could have it completed within two weeks. I was elated. I would finally be on the career path I wanted sooner than I thought. I ultimately want to run my own business and with my current position as Executive Assistant, I have a first hand view of everything it takes and not to mention the beautiful (inside and out) owner wants me to take on the role of COO (Chief Operating Officer) very soon so she can return to what she loves doing most (which is being out of the office) We are very complimentary where she lacks I have strength and vice versa.

At this point I was still nervous about work. I dreaded that I would hate being back and that I would make so many mistakes. Wrong! The night was amazing! I didn't make that much money compared to a busy night but my customers where wonderful and I remembered that I am good at my job. One table in-particular was amazing. They where full of compliments about my beauty, service and spirit. I mustered up thank yous because I am working on accepting compliments better. They even went as far as to say that I must know Jesus because I have the glow of one who knows God. I had been praying because I struggle with my religious affiliation. I believe in God but not traditionally and I struggle with Jesus. I've been praying that if Jesus is real in the aspect that my Christian upbringing taught me than to let my heart know it. The jury is still out on this.

All in all, my day turned out to be a loose version of what I originally planned and held almost none of the preconceived negative notions that I wasted time fretting about.  I used to get off work and head straight over to the bar or a grocery store for alcohol. i blamed stress from the job at the time instead of my ragging alcohol. I had no desire to drink, I am beyond tired so I am going to wrap this up (I apologize that this blog is all over the place as well) but I will add that I have plans for tomorrow but I only want God's plans for tomorrow to happen. This won't stop this controlling anxiety-ridden person, who has lists for their lists ,from planning but it does remind me to seek God's will and not my own. Thanks for listening! Blessings!


Stay Fluid,

LQD

Before work...Glow On!!!

Peace Be

Still,

On the car ride to the office this morning I was blessed with a message. My son is God's child. He is here for me to love, hold and care for but ultimately he is God's child. I found myself worrying about his Christmas. My selfish and irreparable actions as of late left me wondering if my son would be punished. However, my car companion pointed out that God knew what I was going to do before I did it, he knows my imperfections. I can make my plans but God plans reach further and are more expansive than I could ever comprehend. I can never pretend to understand the mind of God. This by no means lets me off the hook but opens my mind up to focus on recovery and growth. I took solace in the fact that my son's Christmas can still be if I stopped beating myself up and give it to God. Immediately (well almost), I found peace. The worries of  'sins of the mother' stopped ringing in my head. Though, I did have to re-center and remind myself that God will provide and to let him have it completely.

I struggle with the fact that some divine retribution is headed my way for my actions. So I continue to pray that I will find serenity in the storm if it is headed my way.

Stay Fluid,

LQD

New Direction

Dear Readers,

In an effort to help me stay consistent with blogging, follow my counseling directives, stay humble and help others, I've decided to change this forum to a journal format. This by no means is easy and will surely be unflattering but I believe all in all it will be therapeutic and more beneficial than detrimental. So, let's begin...

Today, I am 11 days sober. I decided after a near 12 year alcoholic binge that it was time to stop. I stopped drinking 12/1/2017 with the support of a dear friend. Alcohol among other things was really messing up my life. After nine days of sobriety and near perfect joy, I decided to let my other addiction get the best of me...Gambling...mind you I have an awesome 8 year old son and well it's this close to Christmas...I felt the need to not just attend A.A meetings about seven days into my sobriety,,,the itch to gamble was growing with each short-term disability check. Yet, I ignored it with some twisted hope that alcohol was the root of my problem and that I could gamble responsibility if I were not drinking. Well, that myth has been debunked. It is oh so true that once you cross that invisible line to compulsive gambling there is no turning back. After, I lost all my money I even considered taking an old man up on his offer for paid sex. Luckily, for me I was too sober to do so.

I blamed it on loneliness but I'm not sure that's it. I have a knack for self sabotage which since my goal is to journal nightly I will get into later. My counselor is determined to find out what it is that I am burying that gives me the capacity for these atrocities but I digress. I am lonely. I mean, I've been in two very sorted relationships this year in which I felt used. I tend to find people who need me because of my insecurities and then get fed up with them, well, needing me. I've had my share of trysts since then but I've since put relationships on hold and am very scared of dating now...I mean where do you go on a date sober? I am so outgoing, interesting and sexy in my mind when I am under the influence but sober? I am reminded of my high school days where I was literally called 'Jesus" I was so good..I had hair of lambs wool they jested because I rocked natural hair before it was in and there were tutorials on how to make it look nice. I just liked the way my hair grew out of my head. I find myself timid, shy and awkward sober. I really battle with confidence and have since I can remember.
I know I am all over the place right now. I have to say after losing my ass at the casino, I am solid in the fact that I can not gamble...sober or not. I would normally have resigned myself to my couch for a week and beat myself up until I could finally peek at myself in a mirror but I remembered a share from an A.A meeting (a bit too late), he said if it is my idea it was probably a bad one. That fact combined that I spent all day Sunday wallowing in my stupidity and sleeping to the point that when my son left for school today he commented that I would probably be in the same spot because I didn't feel good and I would probably sleep all day, got me to move.  I did exactly what I didn't want to do today. I got dressed, put a little makeup on, went to counseling and went into the office where I am helping out currently and guess what? I was blessed. I can't get that money back but I can move forward. Hopefully, this will stick with me and since I am sober, I can remember and actually fast forward the tape next time I've got the bright idea that the casino will solve my problems. I really appreciate you listening.

Stay Fluid,

LQD

Me ignoring all the signs that I shouldn't go to the casino...

I'm so happy before I lost my $$$

Jem-stone

I got Kiss, I got Jem...but its just me. I like to be different...conventional is so overrated. My sister and I adventured out to Portland, Oregon for #Briqhouse Burlesque performance at a venue called Crush. It was a definite treat! We painted the town black after and between midnight and 3 a.m. I had already hit my 10,000 steps for the day. I was in sooo much pain! I had leg day the morning before I went out. I just started lifting again so I had a point to prove to myself...which apparently I found out after a night of entertainment and dancing, was less 'I am a beast' and more 'sh*t I'm getting old'... The event Burlesque show was beautiful. None of the womens' bodies were what media portrays as perfection but the way they moved celebrated a deep self love. I was inspired. While performing may not necessarily be something that I want to add to my long list of life experiences, I do want to have that level of confidence. Yes, I want to achieve a self love and confidence that is so immense I would be happy to perform practically naked on the stage of life. Give a whole new meaning to #LocStar :)  Thank you for your inspiration ladies!

Jem would have stayed in theaters full term if I'd a stared in it...js

lips: NYX Cosmetics Soft Matte Lip Cream in Monte Carlo

Kara #5 lashes (my new faves and there only $1) #ShopMissA

 Yes my secret is suppose to be out lmao

My fly sister and me! 

#30 is definitely a different ball game. I have come in to myself so much more. I am striving for improvement always but I am so much more satiated with 'me'! What I need to work on continuously is my confidence and not caring what other people might say or think. 18 years of habit is hard to break and I have only been consistently working on changing my thinking for a few years. Ne*who, please remember if you go out dancing after leg day please have a seat ...1000 of them....then look over because I'm sitting right next to you...

Downtown Portland: This guy had major swag though lmao just posted up on the tree 

My Sister and Me!!!

STAY FLUID,

LQD

Liquid Lips 4 Liquid Black

Ok, granted everyone and their granny has reviewed the liquid matte lippies out there...but it is my turn! There are so many brands out there that have liquid lipsticks it is absolutely ridiculous. However, it is my goal to try all that I can get my hands on. For those of you that know me...lipsticks are my life! I am obsessed with anything lip color! And as I confessed in a previous blog... I have somewhere upwards of 100 lipsticks, glosses, liquid lipsticks, lip crayons etc. I'm not bragging...it's sad really but there's worse addictions...right?

Ever since the Matte lipstick craze started, I have been a total convert. I have BIG lips. It was easy to convert from my old days of hair sticking to my gloss, transferring on to my coffee mugs, reapplying every two hours to practically worry-free color with true staying power and impact. Then, I was introduced to liquid lipsticks in and my world stopped! I was reborn! Kiss-proof, Eat-proof, Life-proof ! Great looking color that lasts through the day. Sold!

Now, I'd be lying if I said I didn't run into this concept before. A little over four years ago, my  boyfriend loved the look of my lips with lipstick but hated that it rubbed off on him when we were smooching. I rotated between lipstains (my fave still to this day is Revlon Just Bitten lipstain: Gothic, Midnight Mauve, Crave and Twilight) and the Maybeline 24 hour Color Stay in Downtown Brown. The latter was a two step system that literally stayed all day but the range of colors and finishes weren't excellent for my skin tone.

Now, we have so many options for matte stay all day lippies that it is hard for even me to keep track! The only downside for me is that they tend to be drying but its worth the trade. I have yet to come across a hydrating liquid lipstick but then again, I do need a roof over my head... I have one higher end liquid lipstick my Cailyn #16. I get asked about what I am wearing all the time! It is super comfortable with no transfer and I wear it with a Cyber liner from MAC which I apply first. I got it in my #weareonyx subscription box that #Jackieaina hipped me to last summer. I have never regretted purchasing it and reach for it often.

Cailyn #16 

I've been poppin' bottles lately...ok maybe just tubes of +ℂoℓouℝPop Ultra Mattes liquid lipsticks. I am super impressed by their formula and coverage. They are comfortable, long lasting, transfer-proof and the colors OHHH! I need them all! I have LAX, KAPOW, Dr. M, Mr. Jellies and Creeper. But I need more! Must have more!!!!! I have about 6 more I am trying to get my hands on right now!

Colourpop Ultra Matte in LAX

Colourpop Ultra Matte in Kapow

Just when I thought bargin liquid lippies didnt get any better I tried @nyxcosmetics soft lip cremes. WHY? WHY? #WHY? WHY? Did they do this to me! It felt like I had nothing on my lips! And the color? Amazing! They didn't last as long on my lips as it is not completely transfer proof but also didn't dry my lips out. I love that trade! Reapplying twice in a 8 hour work day to maintain amazing lips....Sold. My only critique is the shade range lacks daring colors, but still my fave at of the liquid lipsticks I have.

NYX Soft Lip Cremes in Transylvania and Copenhagen

The L.A girl Flat Matte gloss has excellent color! I bought Black Currant and was in love from first stoke with the color. My only down side to this is that it never seemed to dry all the way. I would blot my lips together and still feel a tackiness. I want to try putting powder on my lips first before I throw this one completely under the bus because the color was incredible!

LA Girl Flat Matte Lipstick in Black Current 

Okay I think that is enough reviews for this post!  I am still anxious to try Anastasia and Stila Liquid lipsticks and have a few more in my collection that I didn't include so there will be more liquid action coming your way soon!

Stay Fluid,

LQD

BRAZILIAN AMBITIONS

Well folks! I am back and before you stone me for my absence, I would like to tell you that...see what had happened was... Okay, so I don't have a good excuse... I just need to get better. I need to believe in myself and hope someone somewhere is reading this blog and enjoying it as much as I enjoy writing it! But most of all I need to stay consistent with my entries.

Lately, I have been dreaming of tropical weather and sun. In rainy, dreary Tacoma spirits can get low quick. So even though its been fall I have been reaching for my brighter eyeshadow palettes. I'm not necessarily wearing the electric greens or bright oranges but just looking at the fun colors reminds me of warmth, fun and sun. Specifically, I have been rotating in my BH Cosmetics Take me to Brazil Palette. It is so versatile and fun to come up with different looks. I bought this palette awhile back after I watched Tymetheinfamous rave of its quality and great price (Barbie on a budget). The shadows are pigmented and don't have much fall out. The only thing I don't care for is the shadows can come out of the palette sometimes. I would suggest investing in a glue gun because if your make-up collection is anything like mine, that  single shadow just became a cast member on LOST.

BH Cosmetics 30 Color Eyeshadow Palette

Take me to Brazil

The packaging is so festive! Brightens my day!

As you can see I am one man down :(

I have done two different looks with the BH Cosmetics palette lately. One very fall inspired make up look that used a shimmery copper shade from the palette (bottom row of round shadows, first on the left) and plum shades from an elf palette.

 The second look was me feeling funky and wanting to switch up my normal red lip work routine! I used purple and blue shadows to do a smokey eye. The best part was win I put the iridescent white shadow/highlighter (rectangle shaped one bottom left) on the inner corner of my eye the shadows turned into a iridescent green. If you follow me at all you know I am a statement lip kind of girl! Yet, I was really feeling this look and wore a nude lip!

It's good to be back! 

Stay Fluid,

LQD